Club Review: Palomino, NLV
by High Plains Hipster
So I’m in Las Vegas and was at the legendary Palomino Club earlier today at 6 pm. It was my first time there. I’d found it on TUSCL last month and saw it was nude with alcohol (edit: two days later I don’t recall seeing if they had hard liquor as that’s not my usual request but they did have a full ice cabinet of beers). I’m always planning another Vegas road trip so I called the bar from my city in Southern California. Some low-bass voiced dude answered and confirmed they were indeed serving alcohol. He sounded suspicious at first when I asked if they were full nude but when I told him where I was traveling from he knew it was a novelty for me so he mellowed and said, “We’re the only one, we’re grandfathered in.”
I’d found an actual legacy bar from before the laws changed concerning nude entertainment. So here I was, at the only full nude stripper bar in the Southwest US that I know of, and I’m the only customer in the place. No doorman checked my id, no one asked me to pay a cover. I wandered down the hall alone and turned left, where I found the bar, happy to see a couple of ladies sitting at it. They’d just opened it looked like, and as my eyes adjusted from the sunlight outside I counted 6 or 7 girls plus one friendly brunette female bartender. I have this weird time travel fantasy that I’ll never fulfill where I go back to the mid-1970’s in California and bar hop the nude stripper bars there before they shut down or give up their liquor licenses. The girls will all have tan lines and full hairy muffs and gas will be 60 cents a gallon. What’s Vegas about if not helping you attain unattainable fantasies?
I ordered a glass of Blue Moon on draft for $8 (plus a $2 tip for the bartender) and the girls were friendly and attractive. Very attentive too, as it was early on a Monday and I was the only mark there. Two hot young sexies (both blonde-ish if I can recall in that light) were sitting at the bar and made me right away for a Vegas tourist. As I was ordering a beer one asked me where I was from. I told her and she asked me what I was doing in Vegas. I thought for a moment and said, “I don’t know.” I simply wanted to avoid briefly going into ponderous detail but they both laughed. The other one said, “That’s what most people are doing when they come to Vegas,” or something topical like that.
Erin came by and asked me for a dance first. At least I think that was her name. I better type it here before I totally forget. We talked for a while about the usual, where I was from, what I did for work, how long she’d been dancing there. She had no plans of attending EDC (which is on now) because she’s not into techno at ALL, instead likes rock and hiphop — this white girl was way more into hiphop, it seemed. Out of curiosity I pumped her for what you can get in the privates. She told me the deal but when I asked her about the $20 dances she said those were only topless and no two-way. In the private dances it was full nude and touching was two-way. You can touch anywhere but ‘down there’ except for a ‘drive-by’, she laughed. I asked what a drive-by was and she gestured with her hand over her crotchal area and laughed again, adding “You just can’t…” she chuckled, letting her explanation trail off so as to not explicitly describe heavy petting or finger banging.
I told her I only came in for a beer and to check the place out, that I’d heard about the Palomino from TUSCL. I asked her if she knew about the site. She didn’t and yes she wanted to see it. I logged in on my phone and as we read a review of the place she worked at she seemed appreciative. In the light of my handset I caught a closer look at her pretty face and saw her perfectly drawn eyebrows. I also noticed what looked like maybe a small cold-sore healing up on her lip. After she got turned down by me and began to leave she was graceful and told me to prepare for lots flyby requests, saying I’d be “assaulted by other dancers” for the same thing. She wasn’t wrong; right after she left the seat a tall blonde Nina Hartley 1999 lookalike sauntered over and made her pitch.
Side note: there had been a tense but slightly funny moment earlier when Erin and Nina Hartley 1999 engaged in a small wordless battle to see who’d get first crack at me. Petite Erin won although tall Nina was closer to me at the bar and almost in my neighboring stool. Erin had tried a few moments before to wave me over to her table closer to the stage, and was now moving in sharklike, so she had priority. Stripclub diplomacy among dancers makes for smooth sailing.
Nina was a pro who said she’d worked there for 23 years. You could see the miles on her face but her body looked good and lean. I have to admit I felt the pull as she told me about how fun the privates were and gave me a casual one handed massage on my shoulder. The $20 dances were just a tease, she said. The real fun is upstairs in the privates, 3 for $100. I waited and thought about it. I was enjoying her hand working my shoulder, but then finally said, “No I’m just going to have my beer.” She almost snapped to attention, said okay as her smile vanished and immediately walked back to her chair.
By this time another customer had come to the bar, a young happy/chatty hipster dude with a twangy drawl. So I finished my beer and left the girls in his company. I think I might definitely be back on a night when they’re busier. The girls looked good, more aggressive than I prefer, but I’d like to see what kind of show they can put on at this anachronistic one-of-a-kind venue.